The word selfish has always had such a negative connotation. The urbandictionary.com defines selfish as having a total disregard for anyone but yourself and anyone else’s feelings. We don’t want to be that kind of selfish. The selfishness that allows you to be good to others because you were first good to yourself is what we want. To put oneself above others is always seen as inherently wrong, but if you don’t put yourself first, who will? I know you have heard of the saying an empty cup can not pour into others, and when we are “selfish,” it allows us to take care of ourselves so we can tend to others. Most people have feelings of guilt or shame when they put themselves first, but I’m here to tell you it is OK to make sure your needs are met. I am going to highlight three benefits of being “Selfish.”
Selfishness Can Improve Your Self Esteem
Have you ever had a moment where you doubted yourself and your abilities? Your self-doubt then spiraled into a cycle of negative self-talk? Improving your self-esteem can help with that. Self-esteem can be defined as confidence in one’s worth or abilities; or beliefs in self. Being selfish can help you explore yourself and your needs, which will positively impact your self-esteem by helping you identify and improve your abilities. As your abilities and image of self improve so will your self-esteem. When we have high self-esteem, our quality of life improves because we are better able to cope with rejection and be more ambitious because we have confidence in our abilities and understand our value. Having high self-esteem enables a person to appreciate themselves and have a realistic judgment of themselves, their strengths, and weaknesses.
Being Selfish Can Help You Improve Your Self Care.
Self-care is something a lot of people struggle with. It’s something people think they can neglect. Self-care is shown through things we do to keep ourselves healthy by making improvements and maintaining a good life balance. We practice self-care to make sure we are cared for physically, mentally, and spiritually. When we are selfish, it can improve our awareness of what we need, and it helps us take steps to make self-care a priority. Self-care can include having a balanced diet, working out, journaling, praying, resting, and having “me time.” When we are selfish, we will prioritize ourselves and have better self-care habits.
Being Selfish Can Improve Your Relationships
As said previously, if we are practicing being selfish, we do not want to have total disregard for others. Another form of being selfish, is when a person is good to themselves so they can be good to others. When we think about ourselves in the context of a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, we are better able to enforce boundaries when we are selfish. Balance is key. It’s perfectly fine to prioritize yourself in a relationship, and healthy ones give you the space to do so. When we are selfish, we will take the time to identify relational boundaries and enforce them when needed. It is important in any kind of relationship to have boundaries. Boundaries are rules and guidelines we create to teach others how to treat us, and it’s essential that we identify and enforce them. If you find yourself in relationships that don’t allow you to tend to yourself and enforce your boundaries, it would be beneficial to evaluate that relationship.
Take Care Of Your Self!
When being selfish, it can be very uncomfortable, but we need to make sure our needs are being met. Taking time to identify what we need is the first step in practicing selfishness. Once we can identify our needs, we can take steps to make sure our needs are met. Remember, selfishness allows you to be good to others because you were first good to yourself. I hope after reading this, you will take some time to be a little bit “selfish.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Isn’t putting myself first going to hurt the people I care about?
Healthy self-prioritization is fundamentally different from disregarding others. When you consistently neglect your own needs, you accumulate fatigue and resentment that eventually spills into your relationships. Tending to yourself first — rest, boundaries, honest self-assessment — builds the capacity to genuinely show up for others rather than showing up depleted.
How do I start practicing self-care when I’ve spent years putting everyone else first?
Start small and specific: one intentional act per day that is purely for your own benefit, whether that’s 20 minutes of uninterrupted quiet, a walk, or simply declining one request that doesn’t serve you. The discomfort you feel is normal — guilt around self-care is often deeply conditioned and takes time to unlearn. Working with a therapist can accelerate that unlearning process significantly.
My self-esteem is very low. Can therapy actually help with that?
Yes. Low self-esteem is one of the most researched and treatable concerns in psychotherapy. CBT directly targets the negative thought patterns that undermine how you see yourself, replacing them with more accurate, balanced beliefs. With consistent work, most people notice meaningful shifts in how they relate to themselves within a few months.
Learning to put yourself first without guilt is harder than it sounds — especially if you’ve spent years telling yourself it’s wrong. The therapists at Kind Mind Psychology can help you build the self-esteem and self-care habits that make every other part of your life more sustainable. Get in touch today and take one genuinely selfish step for yourself.
